Learning to Deal....and heal.

So before I start, I knew when I started blogging that I was not going to update it as much as I should. First reason being is I have ADHD and the second is that I have a very busy life. The last few months though the reason for me not updating was not because of the fact that I was busy, though I was. It was because my life that I had previously thought that at last I had a pretty could hold on fell apart. My heart was broken and my Faith was shaken. As in my previous blog post about Love I said that someone had to prove to me that love existed.  Now here is the truth. When I written that post there was a Guy, not the Guy but a Guy. This Guy, whom I am going to call Dan, came into my life very suddenly this past February. I was not expecting it, but somewhere in my heart I wanted it. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for just over two years now, and I love it don’t get me wrong but it’s been a very lonely two years.  In the last four months I have been to five weddings, four of which I knew both the bride and the groom and I care very much for both of them. I have five more weddings before the end of the year and it’s kind of hard to not be a little bit jealous of their happiness. Not because I don’t want them to be happy, but I wish that Dan had ended up being what my heart had believed he was. He was a member, he was great with me, but he was not great with everyone else. He played me for seven months and then started to break my heart so I broke it for him. Here’s a hint for you ladies that have your own Dan, if people you love start telling you it’s not good and you should not be together. Listen.  So I broke my own heart and my faith stood there mocking me.  How was I supposed to be strong for everyone else, when I could not even be strong for me? How could I stand up on Fast Sunday and bare my testimony when my testimony was the reason I was hurting so much. I know the Gospel is True and that the church is true and could not understand why I had to be punished.  I realized after a few weeks of hating life that I was not being punished, I had agreed to this pain when I had prayed about Dan gotten the answer no, and dated him anyway. I had agreed to it, and God could not stop me. He gave me the gift of choice and I had used it. So now my heart has almost healed, I saw the ex-boyfriend that I had joined the church for today, and talked to him. I realized today that no matter what happened between us, he had given me the greatest gift of all, the Gospel. Why would I hate someone that gave me such a priceless gift, and yesterday my heart started to see again to feel again and saw a possibility for love in someone that before I had thought he would never give me a chance, he gave me a chance and it was amazing. I prayed about this one, and all signs are good so here’s to a next chapter. A chapter filled with love and understanding and friendship and the most important factor. Filled with Gods everlasting love for me, no matter what choice I make. He still loves me and that is all that matters.

"Let Evening Come" by Jane Kenyon

Created by Chad Peters

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